Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in xmaryjanex420's LiveJournal:

Friday, January 7th, 2005
10:47 pm	Blah I'm kinda toasted right now. Not drunk. Just toasted. Blah. What the hell is wrong with my best friend? She's blowing me and every other one of her friends off. It's making me worried. Oh well, I guess if she's happy then that's all that matters and I'm happy for her. But it still makes me worried because she never answers my IMs or anything and she hasn't for the past few weeks. If she's angry with me she should let me know.... Because I'm worried. Anyways... today as Chaney, Jason, Mom, and I were moving my bed to her room and her bed to my room I lifted a 2x4 that was supposed my box spring.. it hit the quickly spinning fan and bounced off, wacking me in the temple. I don't think I have a concussion though. Anyways... ummmm.... Yeah.. I'm done for now. Bye. Meg Current Mood: indescribable (Comment on this)
Thursday, November 18th, 2004
1:19 pm	Life, Thus Far Well, I'm at work right now. Yay. Brandi (the front desk lady) is sick today so I'm answering the phones till everyone gets back from lunch. It's an easy job haha. I found out today tho, that I stole Chaney's job. He, nor his mother, were aware that he was only hired at the other law firm temporarily till he got this one... but then his mom got me this job. But I don't think they're going to lay him off. But who knows, they might. And if they do I'll feel bad. This semester is coming to an end. hooray! it's been a tough semester. Not too bad though. I'm changing my major soon. At least I think I am. I'm about to do some deep soul searching.. because I'm still not 100% sure what I want to do with my life. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing at this point in my life but it could be. Most people don't necessarily know what they want to do. It's just I feel like I need to find out. I'm tired of "waiting" for it to come to me. I need more direction. LoL. I've been seriously contemplating it.. and I've come to the conclusion I've always come to... All I want to do in life, is help others. I'm now possibly considering going to medical school in the future and becoming a psychiatrist for child and adolescents. Most of it is fueled by the fact that I found out my boyfriend's little brother is so depressed over their parents divorce that he's been hurting himself. And that kills me... It also upset me because I can't stand being around his little brother most of the time... its not because I dont care and love the kid. i do. It's just that he's so out of control. But now that its been discovered that he's really depressed, I'm gonna try to do better. And I feel guilty, because I should have been helping him all along. Thing is, he's very hard to control, so it's hard to help him. However, I did tell my boyfriend, that I wanted to be a part in helping him. I've been here thru the divorce and such, and I've seen what's happened. Plus, I think he needs as many positive people around him as possible. Like I said, he's out of control, and it's very difficult to be positive with him... but we've all done it before. So yeah.. it's got me thinking that maybe I should become a psychiatrist and help kids, and young teens. I think about this time in a persons life is a difficult time... and for some kids, like Chaney's little brother, it happens at a younger age. For many different reasons as well. I still struggle with depression every day.. And I know how it feels to feel absolutely no emotion because I'm just so depressed. Most days I don't experience this anymore, but the days I do, are terrible. And I just feel I could help kids in this world... blah.. I'm babbling hehe There's been a lot of death around here lately. This guy got drunk and killed to people. My high school librarian's son was murdered a few weeks ago... I'm beginning to think the world is coming to an end. Which I dunno, it could be. We're overdue for some catastrophy... anyways I'm gonna go! Have a nice day!! Meg (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 2nd, 2004
1:07 am	:: big heavy depressing sigh :: I'm depressed... very depressed... I guess its because I'm back on BC and its putting new f*ckin hormones in my body. However, I'd rather be depressed than angry.. last time I took BC I freaked out of Chaney and screamed horrible words at him... Of course he's been acting kinda assish lately and its been making me even more depressed. I dunno.. Tonight several of my friends were having a party and they tried to get me to come.. but I didnt want to leave the house. Plus with the substance they were using they'd prolly want to hug all over me and I can't take that right now... I dunno.. affection gives me this horrible feeling to my stomach right now.. It slices into my soul like a dull f*ckin knife and it pains... I feel........................................empty.... :: sigh :: I love my boyfriend. I really do. And I do plan to marry him one day in the distant future.. Just right now I dont even know what I want.. I do know in most cases i'm more depressed when I'm not with him. He makes me happy.. but on the days he upsets me its usually bad.. And its usually somewhat my fault because if I wake up in a bad mood it puts him in a bad mood and when he's in a bad mood he gets cranky and starts messing with me... and i get more upset because I hate it when people constantly annoy me on purpose because they want to see how many buttons they can push before I go BOOM! :: sighs :: Granted tho, the majority of our time spent together is not all of this... We get along well.. Just when we have our downs.. they arent pretty... I just wish I were... normal... and not some psychotic female... I wish life were easy.. I wish there were world peace... I wish that everyone would stop hating each other... Somedays I dont think I can live.. I get so sick of everything... I swear I should be in a nuthouse... :: sighs :: anywho... Well.. I don't really know what else much to say... I might write a morbid poem in here later called... If I weren't here tomorrow.. haha.. Meow Current Mood: crazy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 29th, 2004
2:19 pm	The Good N Gritty Stuff... haha What is love?: A complex emotion... But I believe it exists in many shapes and forms.. I love my boyfriend :) Have you ever had your heart broken?: Try...crushed into a million little pieces and i'm still recovering.. If so, does it affect your relationships today?: I've had to learn to trust again... It really fucked with my head what I went through... But I'm getting better.. Are you a heart breaker?: I try not to be... Have you ever felt that mushy tingly feeling when someone kissed you?: :: grins :: I love that feeling How many people have you dated?: Like 5.. two of them were guys I met online.. so it almost didnt count lol.. How many people have you KISSED?: like 15ish.. How many people have you had sex with?: 4 How many did you love?: 1 but the other three I care about greatly. We were friends.. :) Free love :) Current Mood: calm Current Music: Incubus-Here In My Room, My Girl Cover, And Pistola.. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
9:29 am	Livin Life Day By Day Well... Everyday is different for me... Today I'm up early and I'm not depressed... Yesterday I was depressed.... very... I just felt like bursting into tears all day. However as soon as I'm with Chaney I get better... He makes me very very happeh! Things aren't the same as they used to be.. Our relationship finally matured to the next level... I dunno.. on most days, we're as happy and in love as we were when we first got together. Granted every relationship has its faults.. But I've been trying really hard to get my life back in a sane place so that I can continue to fight this every going battle of emotion.. I've put the boy thru some shit... altho he's put me thru worse and everyone agrees... But that's the past and I'm learning to let it go and accept I can't change it... I've become a better person out of it all and learned some valuable lessons.. anywho... Man I'm stoned. Haha.. WeE! Current Mood: high Current Music: Incubus-Priceless (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, September 27th, 2004
2:22 pm	"Love is a verb, here in my room" That's an amazing lyric.. It makes me want to rip Brandon Boyd's clothes off and ride him till the cows come home! Sorry I got a little carried away... So anyways, life kinda sucks right now but I suppose that I'll make it. I'm supposed to go to a G.L.O.B.A.L. meeting at 3 but I think I'm gonna stay here til before my class starts at 5:30. Doobeedoo. I love Chaney! Yay! Anywho... I dont have anything else to say. Have a nice day... and remember.. Love is a verb, here in my room...-Here in My Room-Incubus.. Current Mood: blank (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, September 26th, 2004
2:35 pm	:: GROWLS :: If I ever do anything in my life right, I hope its that I raise my children to be respectful of everyone. I hope that I can teach my kids the value of giving and recieving and the value of being thankful. My boyfriend's little brother is the worst kid I think I've ever come across. I'm half tempted to call up Rikki Lake or someone and say "HEY! Take my kid to bootcamp" I swear... He doesn't give a shit about anyone but himself. He's not appreciative of anything anyone ever does for him. He was supposed to be grounded for failing some of his classes. That lasted about a week. Then when he got ungrounded he got a brand new toy. Someone explain that to me!? PLEASE! I will discipline my children if it is needed. I'm tired of hearing about how spanking your child causes "traumatic" experiences. Bullsh*t. BULL F*CKING SH*T!!! There's a difference between abusing and spanking your children. You abuse your children when you beat them for no reason really.. or you take your anger out on them.. spanking your child when they bite another child... or when they pull your hair.. But ya know.. Blah. I'm so freakin pissed right now. Honestly it makes me not want kids... ever! But he's not a bad kid.. he's the product of poor parenting. You don't let your kids walk over you. EVER! I wasnt a perfect kid.. I was spoiled sometimes.. But if my mom didn't want me to get my way.. then I didn't get my way. You dont give in no matter how much your kid screams and cries. When they act up like that you spank them.. blah... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD!? Raise your kids teaching them values. Blah I'm tired of this. Meow Current Mood: busy Current Music: The Cure- Love Song (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:55 am	Lyrics for the Soul.. I wish I was talented enough to create some of these lyrics.. I mean some of them are so simple even, but they mean so much to me... I listen to music all the time... It's my life... Here's some lyrics that have just awed me over the past few months... Most of them are Incubus... because I love that band. Brandon Boyd voice seriously can nearly give me an O... :) Anywho.. Here's some lyrics.. "You're an exception to the rule.. You're a bonafide rarity.. You're all I ever wanted.. Southern Girl... Could you want me? So come outside and walk with me We'll try each other on To see if we fit And with our roots become a tree To shade what we make under it.." Southern Girl-Incubus "Pardon me while I burst into flames.. I've had enough of the world And it's people's mindless games.. So pardon me while I burn And rise above the flame.. Pardon me.. pardon me.." Pardon Me-Incubus "I heard a word from on high Glare like a light in the sky It said "quit blowing each other up" Voicing so crystalline clear Somethings unclean in your ear When only blood fills your cup... Hello I'm trying to focus but my eyes decieve me Focus I'm witnessing history repeating.. Fell like a tear from my eye Flying machines so up high well.. there goes the neighborhood A scene set to singe innocence Upheave, unhinge and pit against Like every Made For TV Movie Show..." Made for TV Movie-Incubus.. "Too bad the things that make you mad are my favorite things..." Favorite Things-Incubus I could go on forever with these lyrics... I don't even have a favorite.. each strikes me with a different emotion.. Blah.. I should just go to bed haha.. "How do you do it? Make me feel like I do.. How do you do it? It's better than I ever knew..." Anywho.. lol I'm gonna go smoke a bowl and pass out haha.. Everyone else, enjoy your night... Meow....... Current Mood: gloomy Current Music: Incubus.. :) (Comment on this)
1:44 am	La De Daaaaaaaa I'm bored. it's almost 2 in the morning. Hmph. Can't sleep. Blah. I dont really have much to talk about either... I wish mom would go to bed.. haha.. I got drunk last night lol... it was fun.. but I didnt really like where I was so I didn't have that great of a time. My friend got really trashed.. Everyone thought she was going to die.. heh.. I knew she'd live.. but she was reaaaaaaally drunk.. I think she drank nearly a whole 5th of vodka by herself.. heh.. but ya know.. I'm blabbering... I wish I had something more interesting to say.. but I don't... I can say this though.. Brandon Boyd is one sexy man... and I want to have my way with him over and over and over again... Thank you! Meow.. "I heard a word from 'on high'..Glare like a light in the sky, it said 'Quit blowing each other up...'"-"Made for TV Movie"-Incubus Current Mood: bored Current Music: Incubus-Made For TV Movie (Comment on this)
Monday, September 20th, 2004
7:48 am	Blah... Too Early... I'm awake.. its almost 8... hah.. I have school this morning hoorah! So anyways.. the election is only a few weeks away... I still don't know who to vote for.. Frankly I don't want to vote for anyone.. But oh well.. Let's see.. If we put Bush back in office, we'll continue you killing more innocent people.. hah.. speaking of, If Bush is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO Christian and most of his ideals relate to the church.. then he should now one of the Ten Commandments is Thou Shalt Not Kill..... So who gives him the right to kill INNOCENT people... I'm not talking about the terrorists.. I believe that it is wrong for what the terrorists did to us (Although I'm sick of hearing about 9-11... because all it did was create this "fake" pride for us.... When I see the flag wave now, to me it represents anger... Anger over what they did to our country.. so we hang it as a reminder that these people are "horrible individuals..") But you know... No one is perfect... Differences will always exist in this world, and there's no avoiding it. I do believe however there is a way to create a type of world peace... but it will never happen, because there are many narrow minded people... anywho.. I'm babbling.. sorry.. Anyways.. this is all my opinion, so before you people start criticizing me.. keep that in mind. OPINION. As in I CAN SAY IT IF I WANT... If you get offended, then you're just stupid as hell because what I have to say shouldn't matter to you if you have you're own opinion. Haha.. but I'm sure people out there will be like "Oh she's so wrong.. I should tell her she is.." But are you sure that you're so right? Meg :-) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, September 17th, 2004
1:12 pm	Incubus Starting first with my first Incubus concert. If you're into them and have never been to a concert, I'd say.. GO GO NOW! They are amazing. Here's the info on what they played.. The Walkmen opened.. Incubus at Reliant Arena 9-17-04 7:30 PM w/The Walkmen Pistola / Nice To Know You / Idiot Box / Crowded Elevator / Wish You Were Here / Southern Girl / Stellar w/Police Cover / Talk Shows On Mute / Just A Phase / Priceless / Drive Remix / Made For TV Movie / 11 AM / Vitamin/Drum Jam / Everything In Ebb / Sick Sad Little World / Megalomaniac / Encore: Pantomime / Aqueous Transmission / Under My Umbrella I was in the pit.. for a while there I was really close. I was about 6 feet right and 2 feet back from center stage.. but it was so crowded.. I'm so short as it is I got to where I wasn't getting enough oxygen.. so I had to go and watch the concert further back.. it was still good tho.. it rocked :) I LOVE INCUBUS! teehee... Have a nice day. Megan (1 Comment |Comment on this)